Feb 1

Feb 1 YOU & THE OTHER YOU: THE DUPLICITY OF MOM

Cate Scaglione | Editor, Photographer, Business Owner

(c) 2018 Life As Fine Art by Cate Scaglione

I need to share a gift with you, some pieces of Christine.
(Note: Christine hasn't had her photo session YET after decades, so I will just spam you with random pretty pics of my now famous Mom clients!).

My friend Christine is the funniest person I will ever know. She has been my friend since we are 15 years old, but I have always known her not just as my personal comedienne but also as an ancient soul.

She is a philosopher of sorts (though she will self deprecate and deny). She is the kind of person who thinks about things at depths others wouldn't dare to swim. In high school, while many of our classmates were trying to get into boy band concerts, Christine was quietly channeling Jim Morrison in a corner. In the same rite, she was a fearless consummate rebel who survived the in-school suspensions, our underage bar raids and perhaps just a few NYC public bus fist fights in the 'hood.

But now Christine is a grown-up. She's lived many lives since then. Her gentle, softer side has replaced that rebel a bit, if only by the fortitude of motherly logistics. But somewhere within is the "Other Her."

Christine was the rare and unexpected friend, know well only by the luckiest few. I was one of them, and she managed to show up during hardest time in my life while growing up. She was a badass, but also the major softie who would help the elderly, more than a few foreign exchange students, and multiple social outcasts that she'd take under her wing.

She is an intuitive soul, and seems to randomly emails me on days I need help the most. I actually feel sorry for the rest of the world who doesn't have Christine as one of their friends. But, perhaps you have a version of "A Christine" on your own. I hope that you do. Or else, go find one STAT. They are a rare breed --and hard to find.

"How are you doing today?" she will write. And it always seems she knows more than what I would ever convey out loud.

Yesterday Christine randomly messaged me and sent me some musings on motherhood and relationships. I am gifting this to you, as you may relate. Christine doesn't have her own blog, but I am thinking she should. Or maybe just write mine LOL.

As a Mom, as a Stay-at-home Dad, or maybe as a parent who just needs to boost their identity a bit. PLEASE ENJOY these words, shared with her permission. And thank you, Christine.

"Ya know Cate,

There isn’t just a real YOU and then the YOU that just goes through the motions. Some people are more than one person.

Not like most people. Most people have facets. Maybe we are just different kinds of people. There’s a "You" and there’s the "Other You".

But WE ARE in fact, both. One isn’t truer than the other... Even it it may feel like one of them ME's is going through the motions.

I think a large part of motherhood is a sense of going through the motions. It's often a sense of inertia. It’s one of those things - we appreciate the value of it once it has passed.

And "The Other You", the one that feels like the true you, the "free YOU". She waits around a lot. And when it gets the spot light, it is just as deserving, and just as vital as Mom. It is just as valid. They both ARE.

You’ve got two big identities to manage and (yours - as a creative and as an intellectual)... they are each bigger and stronger than most other people’s who manage facets of themselves. Also valid, but for some less BIG, or divisive.

Don’t listen to the loud statements about how you must be your "true self."

No, You must be a mother first or... GUILT. If one fails they both fail. Because they’re both YOU. And you’re a god damned Warrior Princess in both roles.

If one fails they both fail. And when one succeeds-- they both soar. Be partners with YOURSELF. No one else will ever truly know how to partner with you. They just don’t truly understand but they will try.